Most couple want to stay out of court but they don’t know how. If they knew how to avoid fighting they wouldn’t be here in the first place. Many go hire lawyers. That doesn’t help. I know because I’m a lawyer. It’s not that lawyers are bad. I can’t even think of a lawyer who will fight in a case just to make money. I’m sure they are out there but I haven’t seen them. But lawyers are hired to FIGHT for you. This often results in having to go to court.
Mediation is the answer.
Mediation is different.
My goal as a mediator is to first make sure you get your say, and second make sure the other side hears and understands you. Understanding is key. I can’t tell you how often I’ve see people fight not because of what they are saying, but because of what they are HEARING. Very often, the words are fine but the listener hears something different from what is actually said. The listener isn’t doing this on purpose, it’s just human nature. Emotions and all that. So my first job as a mediator is to make sure everyone understands the other side. Lawyers are not hired to do that. Lawyers are not particularly good at that unless they are also trained as mediators.
Once you and your spouse each get your say and understand the other person, you are much more likely to reach an out of court settlement.